Nurturing the qualities that define us

Nicola Baldwin, Principal of Dolphin School in London, explains her school’s guiding philosophy...

“Courage, Kindness, Friendship, Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.”
R.J.Palacio, Wonder

The recent film, Wonder, reminds us once again that it is who we are on the inside that really matters.

Sometimes pupils can feel that their value is measured by their tangible achievements. Thus whether they secured a place in the ‘A’ team, which secondary school accepted them, what grades they achieved at GCSE and A level or what university they attended, can, at various stages in their academic career, be seen as the be all and end all of their worth. At other times, pupils link their value to their self image, becoming overly concerned with how they appear. They can become obsessed with using social media to perpetuate a ‘perfect’ life, looking the ‘right’ way, wearing the ‘right’ clothes, being seen at the ‘right’ places and creating a fabricated version of a perfect on-line life. The gap between this created persona and the reality of life can be considerable. The danger of on-line friends is well documented. The desire to have a high number of on-line friends who ‘like’ whatever you have posted can become a goal in itself. It can also have a damaging impact on a young person’s mental health and well-being.

So, in schools, how important it is that we actively promote the qualities we value. Our pupils need to know how to form friendships, deal kindly with others and have the courage of their convictions. Friends are real people you can talk to about your hopes and your fears. They are companions who are ‘walking the walk’ alongside you. We need to make time in our curriculum to develop character and establish values. Our young people need to experience and show kindness and know what courage looks like, in order to develop their own moral compass to allow them to tackle all the vagaries of life. Neither teachers nor parents will always be on hand to tell them what to do. It is not enough to hope that through osmosis our youngsters will have necessarily absorbed the values on which their future decisions should be founded.

We recognise that the impact of peer pressure can be very great. Are those peers always going to be offering wise counsel? It can take courage, moral grounding and a secure sense of self to make the ‘right’ decision when faced with challenging situations. How valuable a preparation for life it is to have spent time collaborating, learning to respect alternate views while not sharing them, to know how to say ‘No’ clearly, firmly but not angrily or offensively. In fact we all continue to hone these skills throughout our lives, trying to be forward thinking and open to new ideas, but not swayed by every new fad and fashion.

The groundwork needs to be done in schools. Pupils must have repeated opportunities to practise the character traits that we wish to encourage. Whether it is younger pupils being helped or mentored by older pupils, pupils raising money to help a worthy cause, or lending a listening ear to support a friend in need, these actions will build the character of the individual. School will thus promote a true understanding and acceptance of each individual’s worth. Each pupil will become a person with ideas and ideals, with empathy and passion for the world and its issues, able to forge friendships and relate empathetically to others, quick to show kindness and consideration, for are not these qualities the true measures of mankind? We must ensure that we equip our pupils to value themselves for who they are rather than what they have achieved.

It is not easy to have league tables showing character, friendship, kindness and courage. A school cannot be measured nationally by its results in these areas. But, just because something cannot be measured, does it mean it is not valued and important?

How vital that schools do not become consumed by a results-driven agenda but rather consider the wider reaching impact of education. How critical to devote time to enable pupils to lay the foundation for the people they will become.

At Dolphin School one way we ensure due time is given to exploring what it is to be human is through our daily dedicated Relationship Time sessions which are part of our Life Education programme. Here, through reflection and consideration, the nuts and bolts of how we get along with each other and how we want our world to be can be addressed.

All children have immense potential. A vital part of our role as educators is to ensure that pupils are allowed the opportunity to develop the qualities that will enable them to become the best version of themselves that they can be – healthy in body, mind and spirit. In thirty years’ time, whatever they are doing, we want them to be kind, considerate, caring people who have found their passions in life and know how to be a good friend. We want them to prize what is on the inside, the qualities that truly can propel them to greatness.

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